Welcome to the second episode of Detective Camster + Detective Stitchio! (You can find our first episode here.) Today we are investigating what exactly happened for the iVariety group to suddenly disappear, the founder’s whereabouts and his plans for the future. Enjoy!
Detective Camster: WE ARE BACK! Oh yeah!
Detective Stitchio: *helpfully plays Detective Camster + Detective Stitchio Theme Song*
Detective Camster: And today, folks, we have a very special case! A few months ago, the famed team known as the iVariety squad vanished suddenly.
Detective Camster: For this episode, we will be determining what exactly happened. The team consisted of the incredible Faraz Haider, myself, Detective Stitchio, Mintyfreshie, and Captain Grace. It’s time to determine… what precisely went down in this case.
Detective Camster: Ah, Chicago. A lovely city filled with art and beauty. Yet it has a big secret. It is also the home of the missing Faraz Haider. We were informed that the suspect would be meeting in this cafe in approximately—*checks wristwatch*—five minutes.
Detective Camster: *watches person dressed up as a pirate enter cafe*
Nope, not him.
Detective Stitchio: Are you sure? *squints* Yeah, nope.
Detective Stitchio: *watches old lady with chihuahua in stroller enter cafe* That’s definitely not him.
Detective Camster: *watches Nicolas Cage enter the cafe*
Nope, not him.
Wait, is that Nick Cage? 😮
Detective Stitchio: No, it’s Nicolas Cage. *catches his eye and flashes peace sign* Sup, Nicolas!
Detective Camster: *watches dragon enter cafe*
Detective Stitchio: *watches a person with hood over head and large sunglasses covering eyes* Is that…? FARAZ!
*Faraz looks up and tries to run back out*
Detective Stitchio: Hold up!
Detective Camster: Faraz! We must speak. On a talk show. We have Level 158 Random Post Authorization.
*both hold up IDs*
Detective Stitchio: You’re coming with us.
Detective Camster: Now, let’s hear the testimony of the leader himself. The unbelievable. The incredible. The amazing Faraz Haider.
Faraz Haider: I…um…*tries to escape in time machine*
Detective Camster: Stitchio, get that time machine! QUICK! The entire case rests on this!
Detective Stitchio: *grabs Faraz a split second before he vanishes into the void in the time machine forever*
Faraz Haider: Dang it. Couldn’t escape in time. Um, brb, let me grab one of my fancy wigs. *grabs wig* Okay, ready I guess.
Detective Stitchio: Ahem, so, what exactly led up to this sudden disappearance of the iVariety group?
Faraz Haider: I promise you! Nothing happened with iVariety… well, not exactly… the site’s actually still up. –> http://ivarietyblog.wordpress.com/
Detective Stitchio: But why did the group’s posts conclude?
Faraz Haider: Personal stuff. But I promise you! There is still a post available.
Detective Camster: Do you like cake?
Faraz Haider: … Well who doesn’t?
Detective Camster: Interesting. Just collecting background information.
Faraz Haider: Anyways, as far as I know, the rest of the group didn’t disappear at that time. Only I disappeared that fateful day. Minty’s still alive and well in England, and Grace is in…well, wherever she is.
Detective Stitchio: … *whispers* South Carolina.
Detective Camster: That’s off the record. Transcriber, can you… no? Okay. *pause* We have been dying to find Faraz. Now, when we do, we find ramblings of one upon the topics of wigs. Faraz, what, indeed, has occurred (in basic) since that fateful day?
Faraz Haider: Lots of soul searching.
Detective Camster: *googles “soul”*
Faraz Haider: I found out that life has been taken over by Fortnite, that overrated game, and that I don’t want to be one of those people who quits their whole life to play Fortnite with a bunch of random people. *cough cough, rappers playing with gamers, cough cough*
*some of the crowd boos and some cheer*
Detective Stitchio: Most interesting.
Detective Camster: For more information on how Fortnite is plotting to take over the world, please see our other case, Fortnite Apocalypse: The Nite of Death. *pause* We have just one last question for you.
Detective Stitchio: *thinking of question* Hold on.
Detective Camster: *plays Jeopardy theme song* Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo… doo-doo-doo-doo-DOO, doo-doo…
Faraz Haider: Oh by the way, how’d you get to Chicago so fast? I swear, it was just two minutes ago when I found out you wanted to interrogate me.
Detective Stitchio: We have our ways. Last question, Faraz—what does the future hold for you?
Faraz Haider: I am doing a project involving both YouTube and WordPress. I have a deep passion for music, and so I began hosting a WordPress site where I upload YouTube videos that you can only access from my website. It’s one that I host with my ridiculous so-called daughter, Cosmic the Egg. Goodness, she’s taken over my life…
Detective Camster: We should like to interrogate—no, actually, I don’t even want to know…
Detective Stitchio: Well, on that note, that wraps up our investigation. We hope that we have answered any questions you might have had about the disappearance of the iVariety squad and the whereabouts of the one and only, Faraz Haider. And any questions about his liking of cake.
Detective Camster: Someone said cake? *looks in Faraz’s fridge*
Faraz Haider: GET OUT OF MY FRIDGE! THE CAKE IS FOR ME, NOT YOU! *growls*
Producer: Okay, cut!
Detective Camster: I agree, let’s cut the cake and eat it together.
Faraz Haider: *calms down* Thank goodness, you’re not eating it all! You know how much I paid for it? I paid like 50 bucks for this cake.
Detective Stitchio: I’d prefer if it’s all for me… But very well.
*camera zooms out on everyone eating cake together and fades to black*
That concludes our post! Hope you guys enjoyed the second post of the series. I apologize for this second post coming so far after the first episode, but at least it wasn’t a one-and-done. There will be more episodes coming soon! (Including Fortnite Apocalypse: The Nite of Death. 😛 ) Special thanks to my friend Faraz and my brother Cam for participating in this post. You can access Faraz Haider’s awesome new website here.
Thanks for reading!
– Stitchiella xx